Return
I haven’t really written here in a long time. So much for making this a regular habit. In my defense, the usual thing happened, where I got thrown out of the saddle by a lot of things at once, especially health. I do hope I manage to make this a habit again as of now. I also plan to do another daily type of post on this site, combining this will probably make me stick to it more. More on that tomorrow.
Health
If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen me post about being in the hospital last month. I had a bad case of pneumonia on both sides of the lung. It wasn’t that great. The antibiotics made me get a different kind of infection right after and I think there may be more things that need attention, I will be going to the doctor again soon. Even though I don’t like or trust doctors, they have access to equipment and medication I don’t.
Hospitals are Hell on earth
Speaking of doctors, the stay there was hellish. Literally. These people are straight up demons. When I got to the ER, I could hardly breathe and was slightly hyperventilating. Now I am not mentally retarded, I know hyperventilating isn’t good, there was no need for 5 people surrounding me to yell at me to stop doing it, and literally telling me I’m stupid for doing it because the oxygen levels look fine on screen. It horribleof them to try to force a shitty covid plastic mask on me a third time after I ripped the other two off in panic while suffocating already, then angrily shouting at me from all sites that they’re sick of me and that I basically should stop pretending. The doctor asking me a ton of questions in a rapid-fire manner, then getting extremely irritated about me not answering them in the half-second she was willing to waiting for an answer at best and then leaving the room saying “If you’re not gonna talk to us, we can’t help you”. The fact that they went out to my wife to ask her if I am mentally ill is almost comical.
I really thought I was going to die. These people were not just gonna let me die, they were gonna cause a heart attack. At some point I even cried out asking “Why are you being like this to me?” with what little breath I could gather. There was little reaction to it other than more angry complaints.
They sent me to the Xray, and when I came back, the tone shifted entirely.
The Jordan Peterson Experience
I’ll spare you the details of my hospital stay, they were mostly uneventful aside from a few things that are however not that interesting.
Anyway, it turned out I had pretty severe Pneumonia on both sides, unusually strongly visible on the Xray, which is bad. They wanted to perform a bronchoscopy on me, meaning the want to shove a camera tube down my throat into the lungs to see what goes on in there, and to possibly extract some mucus out. It was nonstop arguing about the damned mask again, until eventually they sort of gave up, but I was freshly traumatized from the ER and very on-edge about it. They put the sleeping gas on me and I remember vividly how the world suddenly turned grey and I was gone. What I don’t remember is that apparently the moment they tried to put a mask or the camera on me I would turn into a wild beast and go completely berserk, fighting for my life and crying out about not wanting the mask put on me. The doctor said he had never seen something like this before, and that they had to get 5 people to sit on me and inject such a strong dose of Benzos into me, that the doctor said it would’ve killed him personally. He thought I was an addict, because the only other explanation was, that my liver must have an insane metabolism. If I hadn’t just experienced the worst trauma in my life and wasn’t shaking and in terror like I had just been raped without even remembering what happened, I would’ve told him about Ray Peat.
Long road to recovery
Now, a month later, I am much better, but still not recovered. I still cough up mucus sometimes, and I still can’t really do anything exhausting. Hopefully this will be the last month of all this. And I hope all the other things turn out to be nothing.
In the meantime I will just continue, or rather resume, working on the game and myself. Although the game almost feels cursed. Every time I even think of working on it, I get hurt somehow.